How to Talk to a Judge in New York: What to Say, What to Avoid, and How to Present Yourself

Most people have never spoken to a judge before. The closest experience for many is a traffic ticket appearance in a town court somewhere on Long Island. For others, the first time they address a judge is during something far more serious — a personal injury hearing, a custody dispute, or an employment matter. Either way, the anxiety is real.

I have appeared before judges in Nassau County, Suffolk County, Queens, Kings County, the Bronx, and federal courts across the Eastern and Southern Districts of New York. After thousands of court appearances, I can tell you this: judges do not expect you to know the rules. They do expect you to be respectful, honest, and prepared. The bar is not as high as you think.

Here is what you need to know.

How to address a judge

This is the part everyone worries about, and it is the simplest part to get right.

In New York State courts, the correct form of address is “Your Honor” or “Judge.” Both are acceptable. “Your Honor” is slightly more formal and is the safer choice if you are unsure.

• “Your Honor, I would like to explain…”
• “Judge, may I respond to that?”

In federal court (Eastern District at the Cadman Plaza courthouse in Brooklyn, or Southern District in Manhattan), the convention is the same: “Your Honor.”

What NOT to call a judge:

• “Sir” or “Ma’am” — not wrong, but it sounds like you are at a restaurant
• “Judge [Last Name]” — this is fine in casual conversation but sounds oddly personal in the courtroom
• “Hey” or no title at all — this happens more than you would think, and it never goes well
• “My lord” or “My lady” — this is England, not New York

If you forget and use the wrong title, do not panic. Judges deal with nervous people all day. Just correct yourself and move on. The worst thing you can do is freeze up over a mistake.

When and how to speak in court

The fundamental rule: do not speak unless you are spoken to or given permission to speak. Courts operate on a structured turn-taking system. If you interrupt the judge, opposing counsel, or another witness, you will be told to stop — and it will not help your case.

Stand when you speak

When the judge addresses you directly, stand up. When you address the judge, stand up. This is non-negotiable in New York courtrooms. Sitting while speaking to a judge reads as disrespectful, even if you do not intend it that way.

If you have a physical condition that makes standing difficult, let your attorney know in advance. They can request an accommodation, and judges routinely grant them.

Stand when the judge enters and leaves

When the court officer or clerk says “All rise,” you stand. When the judge leaves the bench, you stand. This is a formality that every courtroom expects.

Wait for your turn

Calendar calls in New York courts — especially in Queens Civil Court or Nassau County District Court — can involve dozens of cases called in sequence. You may sit for an hour or more waiting for your case to be called. When your case is called, walk to the counsel table or podium, identify yourself, and wait for the judge to direct the conversation.

If you are represented by an attorney, your attorney will do most or all of the talking. You generally should not speak unless the judge asks you a direct question.

What to say: practical tips

Be honest

Judges can spot evasion. They hear testimony from hundreds of people every month, and they develop a strong sense for when someone is being less than straightforward. If you do not know the answer to a question, say “I don’t know.” If you do not remember, say “I don’t recall.” These are perfectly acceptable answers and are infinitely better than guessing or making something up.

Lying to a judge — even about something small — can destroy your credibility for the entire case. And in some circumstances, it is a crime (perjury under New York Penal Law Section 210.05).

Be concise

Judges are busy. In a busy court like the Bronx Supreme Court or Queens Civil Court, a judge might handle 30 to 50 cases in a single morning. They do not want a five-minute answer to a yes-or-no question.

Answer the question you were asked. Then stop. If the judge wants more detail, they will ask for it. One of the most common mistakes people make is over-explaining. You want to tell the whole story because you feel the context matters. The judge may agree — but they want to control the pace and sequence of information, not have it dumped on them in a monologue.

Use plain language

You do not need to use legal terms. In fact, using legal jargon incorrectly is worse than using plain English correctly. Say what happened in your own words. “He ran the red light and hit my car” is better than an attempt at “The defendant operated his vehicle in contravention of the traffic control device.”

Judges hear legal language all day from attorneys. When a non-lawyer speaks clearly and simply, it is actually refreshing.

Do not argue with the judge

If the judge makes a ruling you disagree with, do not argue. Your attorney can make objections, request reconsideration, or appeal the decision through proper channels. But you personally debating the judge’s decision in real time will only make things worse.

This is hard when the ruling feels unfair. I understand that. But the courtroom is not a place for spontaneous debate. Judges have enormous discretion, and antagonizing them rarely changes their mind — it just gives them another reason to rule against you.

Do not address or talk to the opposing party

This catches people off guard, especially in family court or employment disputes where emotions run high. You do not speak to the other side in the courtroom. You do not make comments under your breath. You do not roll your eyes, shake your head, or react visibly to their testimony.

All of this is harder than it sounds, especially when someone is saying something you know is untrue. But judges and juries watch your reactions. An eye roll at the wrong moment can undermine hours of testimony.

What NOT to do in front of a judge

Based on years of courtroom observation, here are the most common mistakes:

Do not bring your phone into the courtroom — or at least silence it completely. A ringing phone in a courtroom is one of the fastest ways to irritate a judge. Many courthouses have signs requiring phones to be silenced, and some judges will confiscate phones that ring during proceedings.

Do not chew gum. Sounds minor. It is not. Judges notice.

Do not eat or drink (other than water) in the courtroom.

Do not bring children unless absolutely necessary. Courtrooms are not designed for children, and a crying baby during your hearing is a distraction you do not need. If childcare is impossible, let your attorney know in advance so they can inform the court.

Do not talk to other people in the gallery while court is in session. Side conversations are audible and disruptive.

Do not show up late. If your case is called and you are not there, the judge may proceed without you. In civil cases, this can mean a default judgment against you. In criminal cases, it can mean a bench warrant. If you are going to be late, call your attorney immediately. Courts sometimes grant brief adjournments, but only if you communicate.

How to behave as a witness

If you are called as a witness — either in your own case or someone else’s — additional rules apply:

Listen carefully to the question. Do not start answering before the question is finished. Attorneys phrase questions deliberately, and answering a question that was not asked creates confusion on the record.

Answer the question that was asked. Not the question you wish they had asked. Not the question you prepared for. The actual question. If the question is “Did you see the traffic light?” the answer is “Yes” or “No” — not a description of your entire drive that morning.

If you do not understand a question, say so. “Could you rephrase that?” is a perfectly acceptable response. It is far better than guessing what the attorney meant and giving an answer to a different question.

Do not volunteer information. Answer what is asked and stop. Your attorney will give you the opportunity to explain or add context during their examination. On cross-examination, volunteering extra information gives the opposing attorney material they did not ask for.

Keep your composure. Cross-examination is designed to challenge your credibility. The opposing attorney may try to get you flustered, catch you in inconsistencies, or make you angry. Stay calm. Take a breath before answering if you need a moment. The judge is watching how you handle pressure, and composure builds credibility.

Different courts, different atmospheres

Town and village courts on Long Island

These are the most informal courts in New York, but “informal” is relative. Town justices may not always be attorneys (New York allows non-lawyer town justices in some jurisdictions), and the courtroom may be a converted municipal meeting room. The procedures are still real, the outcomes still matter, and respectful behavior is still expected.

Nassau and Suffolk County courts

District Court, County Court, Family Court, and Supreme Court in Nassau and Suffolk counties are busier and more formal than town courts. Judges expect attorneys and parties to be prepared, on time, and professional. Calendar calls move quickly. If you are not ready when your case is called, the judge may send your case to the end of the calendar — or worse.

New York City courts

NYC courts are a category of their own. Queens Civil Court, Kings County Supreme Court, Bronx Supreme Court, and the various federal courts in Manhattan and Brooklyn handle enormous caseloads. Judges in these courts are efficient by necessity. Be ready. Be brief. Do not waste their time with information that does not directly address the issue before the court.

Federal courts

If your case is in federal court — the Eastern District of New York (which covers Long Island, Brooklyn, Queens, and Staten Island) or the Southern District (Manhattan, the Bronx, and surrounding counties) — the formality increases. Federal judges have life tenure and handle complex, high-stakes cases. Their courtrooms tend to be quieter, more orderly, and more formal. Follow your attorney’s guidance closely in federal court.

If you are appearing without an attorney

Appearing pro se (representing yourself) is your legal right, but it is significantly harder than most people expect. Judges will give you some leeway on procedural rules, but they cannot give you legal advice or tell you what arguments to make. If you are appearing without an attorney:

• Bring all of your documents, organized and in order
• Write out your key points beforehand
• Practice saying them out loud at home so you are not reading from notes
• Be prepared for the judge to ask questions you did not anticipate
• Know that the other side will have an attorney, and that attorney will know the rules you do not

For personal injury cases, employment disputes, and no-fault insurance matters, having an experienced attorney makes a material difference in outcomes. Most personal injury attorneys work on contingency — you pay nothing unless they recover money for you.

The bottom line

Talking to a judge is not about performing. It is about being honest, respectful, and prepared. Judges are not looking for eloquence. They are looking for people who take the process seriously, answer questions truthfully, and treat the courtroom with respect.

If you are facing a court appearance and want to make sure you are prepared — or if you need legal representation for your case — contact The Law Office of Jason Tenenbaum, P.C. We represent clients in Nassau County, Suffolk County, Queens, Brooklyn, the Bronx, and across Long Island.

Call 516-750-0595 for a free consultation.

Disclaimer: This article provides general information and is not a substitute for legal advice. Court rules and procedures vary by jurisdiction. Consult with an attorney for guidance specific to your situation.